As part of Health Fitness Revolution’s commitment to highlighting mental health this year, founder Samir Becic engages in a meaningful conversation with renowned relationship and intimacy coach, Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick. With a deep dedication to demystifying common relationship struggles and enhancing relational well-being, Dr. Fedrick brings her expertise to the forefront.
Through her coaching practice, her Relatable podcast, and role as a behavioral health and psychology professor at Grand Canyon University, Dr. Fedrick actively works towards normalizing the mental health challenges that many individuals encounter in forging meaningful connections. Specializing in communication, emotional intimacy, and breaking dysfunctional cycles, she empowers people with practical tools for cultivating healthier relationships.
Furthermore, Dr. Fedrick’s passion lies in shedding light on topics that are often cloaked in shame or secrecy. Through interviews, articles, and engaging talks, she compassionately addresses issues such as communication barriers, sexual wellness, and relational patterns.
In this captivating discussion with Samir Becic, Dr. Fedrick explores the intricate relationship between intimacy, mental fitness, and holistic well-being. Keep reading as Dr. Fedrick delves into the profound impact of prioritizing relational health on happiness, resilience, and the pursuit of fulfilling lives.
Samir Becic: What drew you to the field of mental health and made you passionate about this work?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: I was drawn to the field of mental health in my very early twenties as I started to recognize my desire to help and support others navigate through the pain and struggles they were experiencing. Prior to even starting my education in psychology, I would speak about a desire to help others “break the cycle” and this continues to be my heart’s deepest desire even close to 20 years later.
While I have been passionate about the mental health field since prior to starting my education, I would say that my passion has exponentially grown the longer I have been in this field and have seen the profound transformations that my clients experience, as the result of my own ongoing healing journey. Much of the content I share with others, whether through social media, my podcasts, or my book, are rooted in my personal experiences with trauma, mental health struggles, and the ways that I have found to be effective in healing and addressing these pains and difficulties.
My mission is to normalize the human experience and to assist others in seeing that they are not alone in their pain and struggles, as well as to provide hope and guidance for healing and growth
Samir Becic: How can we, as a society, collectively prioritize mental health and cultivate a culture of overall well-being and resilience?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: As a society, one of the most effective ways we can collectively prioritize mental health is by first and foremost acknowledging it as a real need and choosing to stop minimizing and dismissing the impact of it on our daily functioning and overall quality of life. Up until recently, mental health has been incredibly stigmatized and looked at as “other people’s” problems, without realizing that there are so many of us who struggle on a daily basis with serious symptoms of anxiety, depression, neurodiversity, and so on.
Until we start acknowledging and accepting these experiences, it will be nearly impossible to cultivate a culture of overall well-being and resilience.
However, when we can start talking about these things more openly and truly recognizing the toll these experiences take on so many, we can then start to do something about it. Doing something about it looks like encouraging our society to stop glamorizing “busy” and the “hustle culture” and instead start making rest, relaxation, and play more of a priority.
The interesting thing about resilience is that it is commonly believed people who have been through the worst things alone and just had to “figure it out” are the most resilient type of people. On the contrary, those are generally the most broken and traumatized individuals. Whereas, people who have the support, encouragement, and are not forced to face hard times alone, are actually the individuals who become most resilient.
Thus, when we are considering how to cultivate resiliency in our society, this requires that we recognize that humans are wired for connection, and that we choose to put more of a focus and emphasis on building community, fostering safe and healthy connections with others, and learning how to show up better and more supportive for our loved ones.
Samir Becic: How has your specialized training in intimacy and relationships enabled you to make a meaningful impact in transforming lives and advancing mental health?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: My training and experience in intimacy and relationships has enabled me to make a meaningful impact on transforming lives and advancing mental health by helping people to not feel so alone in their struggles with relationships and with life in general. It is fascinating how there is not one person on this Earth who doesn’t struggle in some capacity with relationships, and the general stress of life, yet we are so conditioned to just pretend everything is okay and not talk about our authentic experiences.
One of the ways I am most passionate about helping others transform their lives is by helping them to learn and accept that it is okay not to be okay, and to understand that we are all struggling with something. I also find it important to normalize that there is not one of us who has things “all figured out” and instead we are all just doing our best to navigate through this thing called life.
There is something so powerful and relieving for people when they realize that they are not the only ones struggling and that there isn’t some secret mystery to life that is being hidden from them. Instead, when we can accept that life is full of ups and downs, and the best thing we can learn to do is manage these experiences more effectively, it takes so much of the pressure off.
I am also working to advance the mental health field through providing guidance for individuals who want to address their ongoing struggles with relationships, including getting out of toxic cycles and learning better ways to connect and relate to others.
My approach to this relationship transformation is called Relationship (Re)Programming. This approach starts with first identifying their Relationship Programming, which is the term I use to describe how our upbringings impact our relationships in adulthood.
The ways that our caregivers consistently interacted with us (whether nurturing, present, and attentive OR chaotic, neglectful, and abusive… and everything in between) sets the stage for what we come to believe is “normal” in our adult relationships.
We are products of our environment. And yet the interesting thing about our Relationship Programming is that we have no clue it is even happening. it’s these consistent messages day in and day out throughout childhood that create our belief system around how we should expect others to treat us, what healthy communication and conflict resolution looks like, and if we believe we are worthy of someone showing up for us. Since the brain seeks out what is familiar, we tend to find ourselves in very similar dynamics in our adult relationships, that can have a serious impact on our mental health and quality of life.
By engaging in the process of Relationship (Re)Programming, which takes place through awareness, implementation, and adaptation, we can start to (re)program the relationships we are drawn to, what we accept and tolerate from others, and how we show up in these relationships.
My book, Relationship (Re)Programming provides a deep dive into this journey of (re)programming.
Samir Becic: What trends in the field are you most excited about or see having promising potential to transform care?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: The trend in the field that I am most excited about is the increased societal acceptance of mental health in general. The more society not only accepts, but also celebrates, mental health, the more willingness and opportunities there will be for funding and growth in this field. While I do think the ability to use technology is opening up a lot of access to care, such as through telehealth services, I do get concerned about some of these advances actually removing the aspects of mental health care that is most important, which is human connection.
Samir Becic: Which books on mental health have significantly influenced you or are your personal favorites?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick:
- Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships By Diane Poole Heller
- Running on Empty By Christine Musello, PsyD & Jonice Webb, Phd
- Man’s Search for Meaning By Viktor Frankl
Samir Becic: How do you perceive the interplay between mental and physical health, considering the CDC’s stance on their equal significance? For instance, the CDC highlights the link between conditions like depression and the increased risk of long-term physical health issues such as diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. What are your thoughts on this important connection?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: Mental and physical health are undeniably connected, and both have a direct impact on our daily functioning and quality of life. Stress would be one of the best examples that we see directly impact our emotional and physiological well-being. Stress is often at the root of the ailments mentioned here and can be greatly reduced by taking care of both our mental and physical health.
It is unfortunate when individuals are working towards healing and overall personal improvement and don’t recognize that it is really hard to improve in one of these aspects without putting focus on improving both. This can sometimes feel overwhelming to try to figure out how to take care of ourselves holistically in our fast-paced, chaotic culture. However, I am a big believer that it is really hard to find any type of healing, improvement, or even contentment in life, when we aren’t caring for ourselves both physically and emotionally.
Samir Becic: Many of us think that mental health is solely related to mental illness, however, it is possible to have a mental health condition and be mentally fit. Can you provide further insight on this notion?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: It is absolutely possible to have a mental health condition and still be mentally fit and thrive in many areas of your life. A common misconception about mental health conditions is that they are black and white, that they either impact you 100% of the time, or they don’t impact you at all. This could not be further from the truth and is actually one of the misconceptions about mental health that is doing our society a serious disservice. It’s important to keep in mind that mental health conditions look different for everyone. While there is primary criteria that is required in order to be diagnosed for a mental health condition, that doesn’t mean these symptoms and experiences manifest exactly the same for everyone.
For example, someone can be depressed and still have a job they love, a great support system, and be highly successful (in whatever way they define this). Someone can have anxiety and still take risks, have fulfilling relationships, and find joy in hobbies and other passions.
One of the most effective things we can do for destigmatizing and supporting the mental health field is to learn how to hold space for the “and” when it comes to mental health conditions. Someone can struggle with a mental health condition AND still have an amazing life.
Samir Becic: In what ways do you envision future AI technologies having the potential to enhance the treatment and management of mental health imbalances?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: I think there are great opportunities with future AI technologies in terms of creating apps and other devices that can help with emotional regulation, stress reduction, psychoeducation, journaling, as well as other methods of support for individuals who may not have access to direct mental health care. However, in terms of AI technologies assisting directly with the treatment of mental health concerns, such as being a replacement for counseling or therapeutic services, I am currently unsure about how I feel regarding these types of advancements.
Samir Becic: How do you perceive the unique ways in which each generation approaches and addresses mental health concerns? Please elaborate on the distinct factors and trends that shape the mental health landscape across different generations.
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: We have certainly seen a shift in the unique ways in which each generation approaches and addresses mental health concerns. The most commonly compared generations are the Baby Boomers, the Millennials, and Gen Z. We often see that the baby boomer generation was highly uninformed about mental health and the impact of emotional experiences, and thus are commonly much more dismissive and avoidant of these experiences.
The millennial generation was directly impacted by the baby boomer’s parenting styles, which were rooted in a “suck it up” and stop complaining type approach. This led to many millennials (and baby boomers as well, to be fair) experiencing what we would consider emotional neglect and covert trauma, which has led to a great deal of mental health struggles. Millennials demonstrate that they are a bit more open to talking about and accepting mental health struggles, but this population is a bit divided, as some still accept and subscribe to the methods in which they were raised (their ‘programming’). Thus, while many millennials appear to be more open to mental health concerns, this generation is still somewhat impacted by the stigma, and so there continues to be some resistance to fully accepting and acknowledging mental health struggles.
Gen Z appears to have fully accepted mental health as something that is real and that should not be ignored. Many millennials did attempt to raise their children “differently” than the way they were raised, but some might argue that this led to a complete swing to the other end of the spectrum, in which Gen Z has been raised with fewer limitations and expectations. While Gen Z is certainly the generation most accepting of mental health, there are concerns about the impact of social media platforms leading to “self-diagnosing” and the tendency to over-pathologize various life experiences. The comparison of these generations is presented here at a very high level and is based on generalizing these populations, but as we know, these experiences and beliefs around mental health are not the same for everyone in each generation. Regardless, the hope would be that a middle ground can be found where mental health is acknowledged, accepted, and destigmatized, but that it is also not weaponized or exploited.
Samir Becic: Young adults are the first generation to grow up fully immersed in technology- how has this affected their mental health?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: Technology has had a tremendous effect on young adults, both in positive and negative ways. Technology allows the world access to incredible knowledge and experiences, but most certainly does not come without a cost. We have seen technology impact mental health by increasing symptoms of anxiety and depression as the result of increased comparisons, cyber-bullying, endless scrolling, reducing invaluable in-person connections, and more. We have also seen a direct impact on attention-span and focus, as research indicates that technology has truly resulted in re-wiring of the brain in a plethora of ways.
Samir Becic: What is your vision for the state of humanity in the year 2050?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: My vision for the state of humanity in the year 2050 is that we can fully accept, acknowledge, and prioritize both the physical and mental health of our communities. It would also be incredible to see our school systems add in curriculum about emotional intelligence, healthy relationships, and general life skills. The hope is that we can find middle ground in terms of how mental health is addressed and treated and that we can use the advancements of technology to work towards creating peace, connection, and harmony.
Samir Becic: What are your thoughts on General Surgeon Vivek Murthy’s assertion that loneliness has developed into a significant public health concern in America? I’d like to hear your perspective on this matter.
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: Loneliness is one of the most painful and detrimental experiences to our overall health and wellbeing. Humans are designed for connection and community. We are wired for attachment, belonging, and connectedness. Thus, when we are deprived of this intrinsic need, we are unable to optimally function in the ways we were intended to. Research indicates that loneliness leads to an increased risk of anxiety and depression, substance abuse, a number of physical health ailments, premature death, and more.
A big part of my work specializing in intimacy and relationships is assisting individuals to realize that craving human connection does not make them weak, “needy,” nor codependent. But rather yearning for connection is how the human brain is wired and is a very normal and natural desire. Unfortunately, our society has perpetuated a slew of false narratives suggesting that a deep desire for connection and romantic relationship means that someone is broken or defective. This is such an inaccurate and harmful message that is leading many people to believe they are not healthy unless they can tolerate being alone. The fact is, we are not designed to be alone.
This is also where the importance of my work around Relationship (Re)Programming comes in because while loneliness is not good for us, staying in toxic and unsafe relationships is also not good for us. But that doesn’t mean we need to pick between either being lonely or staying in unhealthy relationships. It means that we all need to engage in our personal journeys towards healing, personal growth, and Relationship (Re)Programming, so that we can start to obtain and maintain healthy, safe, and fulfilling relationships.
Samir Becic: What are three practical tips or recommendations you would provide to Americans seeking to prioritize and improve their mental health?
Dr. Elizabeth Fredrick: Three practical tips I would provide to Americans seeking to prioritize and improve their mental health would be the three steps I developed for Relationship (Re)Programming:
- Increase your self-awareness.
- Become more aware of your unprocessed trauma, negative core beliefs, current mental health struggles, the quality of your relationships, your relational patterns and behaviors, the things that upset or overwhelm you, how you are spending your time, how you feel on a daily basis, and so on.
- Identify & implement needed change.
- Once you become more aware of your past, present, and desires for your future, start to identify what things need to change in order for you to feel more satisfied with your life, your relationships, and yourself. When you identify what needs to change, pick just one thing at a time, and start to actually do that one thing differently. It is crucial to keep in mind that if nothing changes, nothing changes.
- Allow time for adaptation.
- Change does not happen overnight. It is essential to remember that our ‘programming’ is literally the way we have been wired, and thus these thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors are such an ingrained part of us (we often don’t even realize the choices we make are the result of how we were programmed). But the beauty of this is that if the way we are currently functioning through life is the result of how we were ‘programmed’ that means we can make a conscious decision to (re)program, but we must allow time for this (re)programming to really settle in. This stage of change requires that you give yourself patience, grace, and time to re-adjust to a new norm. Once you feel this change has become solidified, go back to step two, and pick the next area of growth.
Here are Dr. Fredrick’s Social media networks:
